Name: Britain’s smallest house.
Age: More than 400 years old.
Address: 10 Lower Gate St, Conwy, Wales, LL32 8BE.
Appearance: Very small.
Well, it would have to be, wouldn’t it? I suppose so, although some people think it’s a bit too small.
Which people? Tourists offering online ratings. “It was too small,” reads one Google review.
But it’s Britain’s smallest house. Yes, and therein lies its capacity to disappoint. “Very little to see here,” reads another review.
I can’t help thinking these people are missing the point. “It’s a little house, big deal,” is one disgruntled visitor’s verdict. “Too small,” writes another, giving the attraction one star.
Is that Britain’s smallest smallest house review? No, there’s one that just says: “Small.”
It makes you wonder what they were expecting. How did the place come to be so tiny in the first place? Originally, it was a gap between a row of houses and a tower abutment along Conwy castle’s wall. At some point in the 16th century, the gap got filled in by a dwelling just 183cm (72in) wide and 310cm high. It has only one room, with a loft for sleeping – no bathroom, no kitchen.
That is quite small. Even the tour guide in charge has to stand outside.
So you go in, look around, go upstairs and that’s it? You’re not allowed upstairs. That’ll be £1.50.
Seems a bit much for such a small house, but my curiosity is aroused. One, please. Sorry, it’s closed for the winter. Try again in March.
I’m beginning to sympathise with those lukewarm reviews. Is this Britain’s only misunderstood miniature attraction? By no means. Britain’s smallest police station (actually, a lookout post) is located in the base of an ornate lamp-post on the south-east corner of Trafalgar Square. Built in 1926, it can fit two police officers at a squeeze.
Wow. What’s that like? “A bit underwhelming,” according to Tripadvisor. Apparently, they just keep brooms in it.
Do tourists visiting Britain ever find themselves underwhelmed by the big things? They certainly do. Emley Moor transmitting station in Yorkshire, the UK’s tallest freestanding structure, for example.
Sounds amazing. You would think so, wouldn’t you? “It looks pretty much the same as it does from 10 miles away, only bigger” – Tripadvisor review, one star.
It’s so easy to find fault. That’s true, even when it comes to the imposing majesty of the white cliffs of Dover (“Super disappointed,” says kandy218).
Do say: “It’s worth mentioning that all these attractions also received four- and five-star reviews that are no fun to recount.”
Don’t say: “Have you thought about a basement extension?”